why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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