Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
