im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
