i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
