Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
