He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So many bounce houses so little time
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
