she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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