i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
