He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
