so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
