are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
