The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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