VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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