Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
