dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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