It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
