I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
