a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
