I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
