Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
