She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
