you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
