So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
