It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
