If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So much rum. So many feels.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
