Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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