I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
