I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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