Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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