God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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