Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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