And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
