I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
