Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
