It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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