Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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