if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i've created a new STD.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
