Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
