He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
