apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
