The maid of honor just puked.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
