yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
tell me about the eggs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
