Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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