so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Little spoons don't ask big questions
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
