I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Be still, my beating vagina.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
