I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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