U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
