just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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