Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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