I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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