His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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