Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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