I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
