I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
