I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
