you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
