If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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