This house was built for laser tag.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
