dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We named our party play list daddy issues
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Randomize
