I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
