My room smells like vodka and shame
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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