Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
